The girl who blogs.....

The girl who blogs.....
Nov 12, 2013

Addiction Or Redemption?

Posted by Quintessence Of Illusion

There's just enough truth in the travesty to allow one to sympathise
There's glitter sprinkled on the floor dropped by the glittering fireflies.
Insomnia  has never been fond of Daydreamers like myself
On the table lies glittering memories, arranged in a row
Corrupted by despair, tormented by human cruelty, seeking salvation in a kind of simple good-heartedness .
Haunting nightmares  with unsettling twists of logic, symbolism and night and thoughts sometimes add up to nothing more than confusion.
From self-inflicted addiction, to a holy premonition ,spun  with the meanderings of a handful of fictitious nobodies 
Experiencing lucid dreams ,too thirsty to drink, once bitten, twice shy.
There  is fiction with friction, jaggedness, juice, and those of us who have made our way beyond reality
I will externalize my consciousness, to set it down in words.
Defeating our demons, is beautiful to behold ,the irritability never relents
Divine intervention or  diabolic redemption?
Bluntness is a misdirection that underlines the depth of my empathy 
The process of mentally freeing myself from an insidiously limiting self-mythology.

Can you keep a secret my love ?
Come closer, let me tell you
Let me press my finger to your lips,
Let my lips brush your ear,
Let me whisper what you already know,
But I know you long to hear.

You should not expect a conventional emotional catharsis, as it would violate my forlorn sense of life as a maddening puzzle with little solution. 

Oct 30, 2013

When The Sun is Perched At It's Highest Peek

Posted by Quintessence Of Illusion

Oct 21, 2013

I Can Only Give You Moonlight

Posted by Quintessence Of Illusion

Well this one is a tag-post...I generally don’t do personal posts but somehow i want to talk my heart out for a change...and what better way to do this ...Thanks a lot Benny for the tag.Writing about "The TV character with whom i can relate the most/Is a mirror image of me" - has to be Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill.
So here goes the similarities...........
"I'm just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a bitch"-Peyton Sawyer  (exactly my words)
1.  Peyton Sawyer and me are both tall, skinny , complicated, hyper-moody, eccentric, at times delusional, often misunderstood  girl .She was a cheerleader who's the least cheeriest person in the world, ironically. She is a walking contradiction and belongs to the popular crowd but felt most of an outsider. She's angry and she's alone and most of the time she uses her selfish boyfriend Nathan as an excuse to be mad with despair.....That pretty much sums up my personality traits,...I had been a part of the school Fashion Club and later on joined a Fashion College with a glossy superficial “Fashionable” life...but was a nerd, introverted and de-glam person from inside ..... went to the best parties ,belonged to the so-called “Cool” crowd but always felt  lonely....always felt like an outsider.

 2. Probably the things that give her character the edge is her self-possession and determination to fight back. Despite the piles of mud thrown at her and even when she's kicked to the ground, her ability to maintain her integrity is what gets her living. She's proud, ambitious and even appears too cold. But she also undergoes a wave of torrent emotions that a weaker person may not handle. She's strong, that's what she is known for. She's not the type who gets rescued unless she badly needs to be saved from herself. To her friends, she's taciturn and philosophical, an old soul trapped in a teenage girl's body. She's hard and she's stubborn. Sometimes she hardly knows how she feels until it's already too late. And although bad things kept happening to her, she rises up to these obstacles, always enduring even in defeat. ......That’s exactly how I define myself.
2.Perpetually cranky Peyton tears around town in a vintage car, listening to loud rock, and wearing a Ramones T-shirt, none of which fits with a typical cheerleader image. At one point, Lucas asks her why she's a cheerleader, noting that she's 'the least cheery person I know'. That was hell lot of me during my school and college days...the rock band tees, converse, cranky and mercurial behavior, love for punk and rock, association with music and art...I’ve never seen someone who resembles me and my life to that extent.

3. I see Peyton as my mirror-image. Just like me, Peyton as we see is Angry, Bitchy and a Maniac Depressive. Instead of self-pity she channels herself into various productive ways like art and music. Grasping on hope, we constantly draw, wishing that maybe someday our art could reach out to someone and give them faith; a faith we are desperately clinging onto. We know that our life is superficial, like in Peyton’s Case: a popular status as a cheerleader with a basketball star as her boyfriend; late night parties, getting wasted on beer; mornings when she follows a crowd she feels an outsider to. Anger and sadness motivate her art to be provocative and elusive, distinguishing the reality and the make-believe she can take it all back if she tried harder enough....We share the same life-story with the same attitude towards life...same
regrets...same realisations...the same feeling of being lonely.

4. She lives with a heavily guarded heart, as she has lost so many important people in her life and so do I because of similar reasons.

5. What difference does it make if you get with the popular guy or go to the right parties, or you know the moves to some moronic cheer to do at some lame-ass game, which I could care less about! Because at the end of the day none of it matters!During the first season Peyton Sawyer is girlfriend to popular jock/star basketball player Nathan, but they soon break up when Peyton reasons that their relationship is more about sexual benefits than love, and that she is tired of his cruelty and regular insulting behavior. There was as side of her to which Nathan never paid attention to, nor understood. ...Been there, experienced that. Like her dating the so called "Popular-Guy", mindless fucking , constant verbal abuse and regular arguments had put me off  relationships forever and we are scared to love or be loved.

6.She has a romantic interest in her ex's brooding half brother, Lucas. Through various interactions with Lucas, she finds that he is kind and thoughtful towards her. However, when he confesses the depths of his need and want for her, she becomes scared and runs away from him; Lucas is left heartbroken and desperate. ....Again been there, done that. Like Peyton I have disappeared and withdrawn from people who had confessed their love and concern for me because I was scared that they might hurt me or I might lose them. Like her I had constant commitment and relationship issues and suffer from severe "Relationship Dysfunction" (according to my friends).

7."You know I've got this theory, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. You know, all about the meaning of the song. They're the ones you see with the CD insert out like 5 minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpreting the hell out of everything. Um, then there’s the music people, like Brooke. Who could care less for the lyrics as long as its just got like a good beat and you could dance to it. I don’t know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since I’m not, let me just say this. Sometimes things find you when you need them to find you, I believe that. And for me its usually song lyrics."- Peyton Sawyer  .....That’s exactly my theory.

8.Peyton is always seen in her bedroom, sketching on a pad in front of her 24-hour webcam while listening to what her boyfriend Nathan labeled as "loser rock." Her taste in music evolved through years of trying to find a soundtrack to fit her melodrama and angst. She listens to guitar-driven tracks with lyrics that speak about redemption. She's not swayed by the fads but considers her music like her art; a sacred choice to where her dreadful ideas about life's obstacles are coming in full-view. Her music symbolizes a lot about her. She has a broad CD collection, most are from her mother when she was still alive. She's fond of collecting different songs and putting them on CDs, labeling them by whatever nostalgic mood she is feeling that day. These are what she calls her "mix tapes."....Creepy ,but yes even I’m that way.

 9.Like me everything about Peyton Sawyer is art and music, sight and sound. She finds connection through music and like her art, she tries to use this connection to form alliances from the people she considers worthy of her attention. We are as selective to our music as we are selective of our friends .However cold we may seem, we are surprisingly passionate when we talk about rock music, as if it is our religion. Like me, Peyton would describe every significant event in her life that was inspired by a song or an artist. We love music and believe that it can change the world and a concert that would be performed for that same reason, can also save lives.